Music: My Means of Survival

Surviving Music has seen me through some really tough times in life. Many phases of my life are associated with specific artists, styles of music, and songs. I imagine that is normal. The past three years have been particularly hard for me, so I have a lot of memories associated with music that might be considered dark. When you are in a dark place, the last thing you want to hear is something fluffy and light (am I right?).

Here are my musical memories:
These songs helped me survive the hell that was my last semester at college: Nightwish’s album “Dark Passion Play” (instrumental version mostly) and songs “Cadence of Her Last Breath,” “Meadows of Heaven,” “End of All Hope,” and “Nemo,” and Avril Lavigne’s “Keep Holding On.”
Nightwish remained a staple for the next year or so, with the addition of Evanescence, Poets of the Fall, and Within Temptation. During that time I struggled with severe depression while waiting for a diagnosis and then again after I was told I had fibromyalgia and they couldn’t help me. Within Temptation’s “Pale” and “Stand My Ground” were very important to me. So were Evanescence’s “Imaginary” and  “Bring Me to Life.”
As I questioned and then challenged my religious ideology, Within Temptation’s music really spoke to me, particularly “The Truth Beneath The Rose.”
When my first marriage began to fall apart I found comfort in Evanescence’s latest album “Evanescence.” Songs like “Made of Stone” and “My Heart Is Broken” helped me vent my pain and confusion (I liked to sing them loudly while driving). More

“Can’t Hide from the Feeling Cause It’s Right”

Love this song and its message.


I can’t see, cause it’s burning deep inside.
Like gasoline, a fire running wild.
No more fear, cause I’m getting closer now.
So unreal, but I like it anyhow.

I go faster and faster and faster
and faster and faster and faster and faster.

I can’t live in a fairytale of lies.
And I can’t hide from the feeling cause it’s right.
And I go faster and faster and faster and faster for love.
And I can’t live in a fairytale of lies.

I can feel that you’ve mesmerized my heart.
I feel so free.
I’m alive, I’m breaking out.
I won’t give in, cause I’m proud of all my scars.
And I can see I’ve been wasting too much time.

A fairytale of lies.