Free Write: Pain

I often turn to writing when I’m upset. I don’t like using this blog as a platform for heralding my woes, so I try to keep the negative stuff in check. Tonight, though, I’m just going to write.

Tonight I am in pain. I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to type this out because my arms and hands were hurting so badly a few minutes ago. I have an icky headache. I’m used to having headaches, always seem to have one in fact, but sometimes they are really bothersome. I’m nauseated for unknown reasons. I feel like someone beat me up and left me for dead. One of my favorite books, Elantris by Brandon Sanderson, features a state of living in which you the characters become un-dead, for lack of a better phrase. One morning they wake up, only to discover that their hair has fallen out and their skin is blotchy and sick looking. While in this state, any damage done to their bodies remains, unhealed, indefinitely. They feel the pain from every cut, bruise, or break – it never goes away, just drives them insane. I think Brandon Sanderson was describing fibromyalgia (he just didn’t realize it), because that’s how I feel so often. More

This Christmas

Photograph: David Hedges/

Christmas was always a big deal for my family. Tree decorating, watching specials together, wrapping presents, driving around town to look at the Christmas lights… so many things we always did together. For me, Christmas is a time of happiness, warmth, love and excitement.┬áMy Honey didn’t get the same experience growing up. He remembers fights over decorating, lots of stress… with some good things thrown in, thankfully. But still. Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and love.

This Christmas season has been very out of the ordinary, at least for me. Illness and finances have kept us from doing a lot of the things we wanted to do to celebrate Christmas. The tree we bought has very sparse decorations, but it hasn’t mattered. Seeing the cheery green, well-lit tree has been a great source of joy for us. The two year old and I colored Christmas cards for a few people, and then enjoyed coloring a picture of a Yule log to hang on the fridge. We haven’t done any Christmas baking (much to my chagrin). There aren’t any presents under the tree. But those things really don’t matter, not once you stop and really think about them. More